maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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