You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
