woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
