I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
