areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
