I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
