Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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