i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
