I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
