Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
high people should be assigned attendants
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
