I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
