Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
be right there i have to get my cape
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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