She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
pray to the hookup gods
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
