I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
