i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't turn off my feet"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
