R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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