break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
