this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
