I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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