he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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