Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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