well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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