The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
