I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize