One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
