come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
