if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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