So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
