dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
