Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
