She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
