Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
