oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
