I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
