just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
