I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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