your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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