ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
