I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
