Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
