your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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