I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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