Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
