last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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