ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize