I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mom said you looked used
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
