When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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