She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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