TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
