Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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