Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
