i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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