My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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