wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
