sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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