yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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