Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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