I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
