i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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