I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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