i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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