Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
