Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
