Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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