You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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