You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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