The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize