It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
