He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
