Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
