Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
