Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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