Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
