lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I smell like Dick and happiness
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
