Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
