So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
